Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Summer Revolution

It has always seemed like summer brightens people's mood. Or it should. New years should be in May, typical weather May not this bi-polar thing the Mid West and Illinois has been experiencing lately. If  New Years resolutions were made in May chances were the wonderful Vitamin D or whatever it is about warm weather would help us stick to those goals.
But in all honesty there's never a good time to make a "new you" and it's not like it's going to happen over night. In the last six months since my Jason's death I have learned that there is going to have to be more things change about me in order for me to be happy. My own happiness cannot depend upon Jason no longer unfortunately. Being graced with the best of friends to have my back helps but this time it has to be for me.
As my FFA Creed said " in being happy myself and playing square with those whose happiness depends upon me."
There are a thousand things I want to do in this life and to be realistic I'm not the best goal setter or the best doer. I get wore down easy, disappointed frequently and all to often give up. Life seems easier that way. Perhaps that's why I haven't written on this blog here lately. Disappointment's weigh be down and I'm too stubborn, as often reminded, to do much for my own good.
But it's fast approaching that time to change. I'm not talking my hair, my makeup or my fashion. Maybe my shape but eh. Luckily for me I am very good at seeming sane around most people but for those few unfortunates they know how close I am to becoming full fledge crazy, again. For the umpteenth time.
My outlook on life isn't what you would call glamour's by far. Negative Nancy has been my nickname more than once...
But anyhow, I really don't know where I'm going with this. Making a big outward statement that I'm going to change my life for the better so people can nag at me when I don't? Maybe. But anyways I'll keep you posted on my Summer Revolution.